Weighing Diverse Disutilities: The value of various negative subgroups and conduct in "99 Problems" by Jay-Z

Mr. Carter has been referred to as the “king of the rap game,” as the “greatest that ever did it” or more speculatively the “best rapper dead or alive.” In order to truly speak to this greatness, we find it imperative to critique one of Mr. Carter’s most famous economic analyses, “99 Problems.”

If you're havin' girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Mr. Carter begins the journey by creating a comparative analysis. He states that he feels bad for those who have girl problems, despite the fact that he has 99 different problems of his own. Logic would dictate that a man that has 99 problems of any sort would not compare himself favorably to someone who has one girl problem; however Mr. Carter seems to find so much disutility in girl problems that he operates in a world where the marginal rate of substitution of girl problems relative to all other problems is strangely high. This means for every introduction of 1 unit of girl problems there are an exponentially larger amount of units of negative externalities not normally associated with the larger subset known as “general” problems. In essence, these girl problems are a unique animal that operate under different rules than the normal "general" problem, where a large number of normal problems are more desirable to Mr. Carter than a smaller set of girl problems, even though both provide quantifiable disutilities. We know this because Mr. Carter seems to be speaking to the entire universe (there are no qualifiers in the description of those he is addressing), which undoubtedly includes those who only have one female problem. The listener can draw TWO conclusions from this analysis:

(1) Mr. Carter finds greater relative utility in having 99 problems (none of which are related to women), than having one girl problem. It is clear, under this interpretation of his treatise, in regards to overall utility; where A = (problems of every sort, except those relating to girls) and N = (problems of many sorts, but all relating to girls) that (A)×(∞) < (N)×(1). [∞ being the symbol for infinity and × being the symbol for multiplication] Now even under this interpretation we may find that Mr. Carter only intended for 99 A-related problems to be the threshold equivalent for 1 N-related problem. To avoid the potential for exaggeration, and to proceed with the assumption that Mr. Carter will not throw out excessively large numbers to no practical value, we will assume that Mr. Carter truly meant; {(99)×(A) ‹ (1)×(N), but (100)×(A) ≥ (1)×(N).} -------------------------------------------------------------- OR ---------------------------------------------- (2) Despite his vagueness, Mr. Carter did not intend to speak to those who only have one girl problem at all (as is evidenced by the use of the plural, “girl problems”), but instead merely is seeking to speak to those who have an unidentified threshold number of female problems. In this scenario, Mr. Carter finds greater relative utility in having 99 problems (none of which are related to women or bitches), than having ⁿ girl problems. [ⁿ being the unidentified number of female problems required to create equilibrium in the problems market] Yet, under either scenario, the listener must infer that 1 female problem is not equal to 1 general problem. One truism is clear; there is greater disutility created per unit of female problems than is created per unit of general problems. We will proceed with this more general assertion, a consolidation of the prior two conclusions as to simplify our critique from here on out. Let us delve deeper into the piece to determine whether Mr. Carter better explains the rationale behind his alleged disutility analysis.
I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed
Rap critics they say he's "Money Cash Hoes"
I'm from the hood stupid, what type of facts are those

Mr. Carter begins by illustrating for us 2 of his 99 problems. In this first stanza, Mr. Carter details with great clarity that there is an unidentified unit of people collectively referred to by the colloquialism “rap patrol,” and that this group actually covets his death. This group is not given any defining characteristics, nor do they need have them. In fact, Mr. Carter is merely impressing upon us the different types of problems that constitute what we previously defined as (A) problems of the non-bitch nature. It is from this categorization we must assume that the group labeled “rap patrol” is a gender specific group closed to women.
In the second part to this stanza we are told that he is criticized for the extent that he brings up the topics of money and women in his rhymes, but Mr. Carter fires back questioning the journalistic integrity of those who condemn his subject matter. We are not given any evidence that these criticisms have actually occurred, nor are we told who has been giving these critiques. However, these questions are irrelevant to his analysis, for Mr. Carter is merely trying to illustrate the vastly diverse types of conduct and scenarios that are to be classified as an (A) problem. His committment to laying the foundation to his later argument is admirable. However, this is assuming that this foundation eventually leads to an explanation of his calculation of the various disutilities present in his two groups of problems.

If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward
I got beef with radio if i don't play they show
They don't play my hits i don't give a shit SO
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers

Furthermore, Mr. Carter goes on to show that his critics do in fact create some unidentified amount of measurable disutility. Utilizing the bravado that he most definitely gained from the streets, he makes such statements as “I don’t give a shit” and “you can press fast forward” to create the implication that he is unaffected by their onslaughts, however a disciplined listener can read underneath actual meaning of these words to uncover their true meaning. Mr. Carter is not stating that these acts have a neglible effect on his happiness or personal utility; he is saying that he is a resilient actor and that these attacks on his character will be conquered by his strength of self-assurance. It is here again, that Mr. Carter gives us a glimpse of the real value that (A) problems have in relation to creating disutility.

Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong arm a hoe
This is not a hoe in the sense of havin a pussy
But a pussy havin no God Damn sense, try and push me

Here, Mr. Carter gives us our first glimpse of why he places so much marginal disutility in (N) bitch-related problems. We are given from the text that in the past, Mr. Carter did himself have bitch-related problems, as is evidenced by his need to “strong arm” hoes in an apparent to attempt to offset the costs associated with dealing with these bitches.
In the next line we are thrown a monkey wrench, however. We are told that the definition we have been using all along for girl, bitch and hoe is inaccurate for his analysis. He tells us that by hoe, he is not referring to the definition meaning female member of the species, but instead he is referring to a much larger bi-gender group characterized by their hoe nature and tendency for lack of mental awareness.
We must make a dramatic halt to our critique and return to his original thesis statement to incorporate this unforeseen nuance.

If you're havin' girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

It has become clear from our deeper analysis that Mr. Carter is not concerned with the female species at all in his analysis. This means that we must refine several assertions that were overzealously adopted prior to our true understanding:
(1) the “rap patrol” previously determined to be consisted exclusively of men, now may be assumed to be a coed organization.
(2) “girl problems,” which were previously assumed to fall under the traditional definition of problems relating to: “a female child from birth to adulthood” (source Merriam Webster) must be refined to mean problems relating to any individual exhibiting female characteristics and lacking basic comprehension (see “havin no goddamn sense”).
(3) marginal disutility is found with problems associated with this newly defined subgroup and not, as was previously assumed, with the female race.
Now that we have made these essential clarifications, we may resume our analysis and venture deeper into his intellectual cavern to find more about this group that he cryptically refers to as girls, bitches and hoes.

You know the type loud as a motor bike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
The only thing that's gonna happen is I'ma get to clappin
He and his boys gon be yappin to the captain

Ahhhh! Mr. Carter has made us wait until the near end for clarity, but gives it to us in very concise and descriptive terms. We may now revise our analysis to read that (N) related problems are problems associated with individuals that exhibit the faux pas characteristics of acting like a bitch, not having common sense, talking loudly while being incapable of turning those words into action and being prone to snitching.
At this point in the opus we have identified three important features that deserve reiterating;

(1) problems associated with group (N) create marginal disutility for Mr. Carter.
(2) Mr. Carter at one time did, but no longer has (N) related problems.
(3) The absolute value of (N) related problems is some exponential degree greater than (A) related problems.

We are left with two unanswered questions: specifically, what is Mr. Carter doing now that allows him to avoid (N) related problems that had escaped him prior and why do (N) related problems create such distinctively larger disutility than (A) related problems. Unfortunately for the listener, these questions go unanswered. We are left to ponder the reasons for his personal aversion to (N) related problems and wonder why our own utility structures do not share such an unqualified distortion. We are left puzzled to say the least, wandering aimlessly in the donjons of Mr. Carter’s unqualified conundrum.

This author finds himself more confused now than before he opened up Mr. Carter’s work. I find his self-appointed title as “best rapper” is not supported by the evidence, as his argument lacks several important features, most significantly a qualifying rationale for his entire assertion. Let’s hope analysis of his future songs will not leave us so unfulfilled.

Argument Presentation: D+

"We Be Clubbin'" by Ice Cube

It's packed niggas don't know how to act
we the macks V.I.P's in the back
with a stack of numbers
my niggas like 'em dumber
we oughta get 'em smarter

To provide some background information, the hip-hop mogul “Ice Cube” -named after a block of Hydrogen2 Oxygen stored below 32 degrees farenhite (0 celcius)- is in a night club with some companions. Some of his urban peers seem oblivious to standard nightclub etiquette. Mr. Cube alleges that his companions (despite their lack of decorum) are powerful alpha-males, usually surrounded by sightly females. Mr. Cube and Co can be located in the rear of the nightclub. There is a pile of numerals (assumedly banknotes) owned by Mr. Cube, and/or his companions. Much to Mr. Cube’s chagrin, his peers seem to prefer those with a low grade of intellect and cognitive ability, and Cube interjects that it would be preferable that they pursue those of superior intellect.

Baby take my order
The only shark that swim in Henn no water
got ya daughter doin' shit you don't think she oughta
Gave the order to slaughter any ass like that
you know how the loni act off the cognac
Brainiac with maniac Mack 10 (my nigga)
down ta get this mothafuckin' party crackin'
Nigga back in so we can smoke a dub
down ta bump all these bitches at the club (Yaeeyaae)
show me love

Mr. Cube then instructs the cocktail server to listen to his beverage request.
He analogizes himself to a large saltwater fish with a predatory nature. However, unlike most of these saltwater creatures, Mr. Cube alleges to swim in a popular Cognac called Hennessey. He then boasts that the audience’s daughter(s) are engaging in inappropriate (assumedly adult) activities with Mr. Cube. He claims to have a higher command to execute a pexterial extremity (colloquially referred to as a behind or rump), so long as the rump appears similar to that in subject.
Mr. Cube then informs us, that we had previous knowledge of the acts of the “loni”, while intoxicated off of Cognac (likely the “Henn”, in which he swims). The intellect is with his companion Mack-10 (named after a popular and deadly semi-automatic weapon). The two (possibly among others) plan to get the social gathering in full swing. Following the increase in the mood at energy at the social gathering, Mr. Cube desires to inhale some marijuana.
Finally, Mr. Cube expresses a desire to “bump” numerous females at the nightclub. It is not apparent precisely what is meant by “bump”, but by the context, it can be assumed that he is referring to a. high-contact dancing, or b. coitus. After discussing these possibilities, Ice Cube (despite risk of admissibility under the Hearsay exception F.R.E. 803(2)) bellows an excited utterance. He then demands that the audience show him passion and affection inside the nightclub.

We be clubbin'
everybody likes when the girl
shakes something
Nigga don't pull nothing (That's right)
We ain't dumping
We just bumpin' and bangin'
like it ain't nothing wrong
Get ya club on (We be clubbin')
Ah, we be clubbin'(we be clubbin')
Yaeeyaae (we be clubbin' we be clubbin')

Ice Cube reiterates that him and his companions are attending nightclubs. He asserts that all of mankind appreciates when a female shifts her body in a way that is generally considered to be erotic. His urban companions refrain from pulling anything, they are not disposing of anything undesirable, just dancing and fornicating, as if there were no negative occurrences or repercussions. He then invites the audience to join him in his nightclub activities, and exerts another excited utterence.

We gettin' in free so what the fuck now
WSCG just touched down
show a nigga 'round
least take a nigga to the sto'
(Y'all in fo the night?)
Hell no
Security bail slow up in the club
remember when they push & shove
it's only love

Mr. Cube seems excited to inform the audience that his entry into the latest nightclub was complimentary. His circle of peers known as the “Westside Connection Gang” just entered the vicinity. When questioned if his attendance would be prolonged, he scoffed at the idea, and informed the inquiring individual that his attendance would not last the duration of the evening. Cube then tells the law enforcement officers to react without all deliberate speed in quashing altercations. He asks them to recollect that when these individuals commence to rough-house, it is all done in good nature, and with sincere affection.
Dubs for everybody waitin' on us
and fuck everybody hatin' on us
debatin' on us but we only visitin'
ain't tryin' ta fuck with niggas in lizard skins
There are banknotes for all individuals longing for Mr. Cube. However, mere profanity is all those who dislike, and hold contempt for Mr. Cube. Those who are discussing Mr. Cube should be aware that he is only a temporary guest. He informs the audience that he is not trying to associate with individuals dressed in the skins of coastal reptiles.

I see you watching me, you should watch her
'cause if she sick of yo' shit I'm the doctor watch her
Show her to the car
& see how bad she wanna meet these stars
They know who we are (Where we going?) WESTSIDE
Nigga meet me by the bar

If the audience is glaring at Mr. Cube, their stares are misdirected. They ought to be on the female at subject. If the female at subject has become wary of the audience’s demeanor, Ice Cube claims to have an MD and considerable medical expertise (note: Mr. Cube is using a medical anology to implicate that he will “take care” of the female subject, assumedly in a sexual manner). He will show her to his vehicle, to inquire as to the degree of her desire to congregate with celebrities. The females are aware of Mr. Cube’s persona. When inquired as to their ultimate destination, Mr. Cube responds with a resounding statement that the group is destined to the Western portion of said location. Cube then tells the audience to congregate with him at the local pub.

(Jake)

"Compton" by Guerilla Black (ft. Beanie Man)

Is you stupid nigga, get your shit together
While his message is clear for change, Mr. Black waits until the end of his opening verse to propose his economic premise undoubtedly rooted in labor theory of value. Calling for a much stronger, centralized economic model, Mr. Black cleverly begins his argument in a simple Question/Answer format: Question – are you comfortable in a system purposefully designed to exploit cheap labor and limit progression, my friend? Response to Answer – Hmm, as I anticipated. I suggest we consolidate our labor value to act as a bargaining chip against capital.

Yes I’m the thriller, whether I pop Crystal or drink Miller
Here Mr. Black attempts address the obvious weak points of his model by directing the reader’s attention to the personal sacrifices he will make with the common man. He, unlike most of his stature, is willing to forfeit his sparkling white wine in exchange for second-rate beer and a complete overhaul of our economic system. It can be argued that this proposed exchange reveals Mr. Black’s attempts to create a causal link between his infectious personality and his call for Marxian economics. We are of the opinion that this “gracious” gesture comes off as pompous sales pitch which leaves the audience slighted and in search of clarity. Most actors in this system do not possess Mr. Black’s charitable qualities. Herein lays the most basic counter to his economic theory: are you willing to forgo delicious alcoholic beverage in exchange for those which taste like fermented urinal cakes. We here at Raponomics are not.


Niggaz get fucked up when the mini sprays
It is here in which Mr. Black decides sticks to his guns and recaptures the audience’s attention. To do this, he paints a doomsday view of our current path. Translation: if our multipolar economic sphere remains constant, actors of every level will suffer. This of course ties in nicely with Mr. Black’s call for a unified working class and a strong central agency designed to promote the common good (as an alternative to unchecked competition and individual pursuits). Although morose, we are of the opinion that this stanza presents an excellent portrayal of the effect of “mini sprays” (e.g. competing actors, classes, and systems). In sum, Mr. Black not only salvages his argument but forms a solid case for a Marxian society premised on labor value principles.

Argument Presentation: B- (Abiye)